Someone jokes
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
I was going to join the debating team.
... but someone talked me out of it.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.