Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.
Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"
"Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."
"What else, Watson?"
"It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What Else, Watson?"
"What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"
"Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
What do you call someone with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
Someone tracked down a cripple and said, "You can hide, but you can't run!"
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.
Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."
Cannibal (n.) Someone who is fed up with people.
I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
Why did the clown stop smiling?
Someone chopped his lips off.
How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?
The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.
When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?
I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
I don't know?!?
Don't break someone's heart because they only have one; instead, break their bones... they have 206.
If I had a dollar for every time someone did something stupid,
I would have approximately 7.8 Billion dollars.
