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Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.

Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

Why do orphans like getting kidnapped? Because someone actually wants them. 🤣

Why does an orphan want to be a prostitute?

Because they want to call someone "daddy."

Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.

His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?

Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.

Say this when showing this website to someone: "You know, it's too bad this website doesn't have a homepage."

What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.

For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.

Why did the orphan go to church?

So he had someone to call Father.

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?

Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?

Breathing exercises.

I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!