New Somebody Jokes - Page 3 - Worst Jokes Ever

When you suffer from depression and somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of this before?

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,

answer the phone with this:

"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"

"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"

Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.

Wash It Away - By Bradley Lewis(watersharky) and Ben Lewis and Watersharky Music Productions - Why does it always feel like I'm the one that's had a bad day?

Whether I'm stuck in traffic or showing up to work late,

Oh this 9 to 5 feels like 9 to forever been working all week

For a jerk that thinks they can say whatever they want to me

I'll just bite my tongue for a couple more days

Soon I'll be in that island sun surfing those waves

I need the beach I love the ocean

Put my feet in the sand

Watch the earth in motion

Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day

Take it to the shoreside and wash it away

Oh yeah

You gotta wash it away

Finally I'm here and I can't even stop myself from smiling

Somebody hand me a beer and I'll check the girls on the island

Don't miss my 9 to 5

Living like a local on this island time

I got those sandy toes and nobody knows jump in the ocean and just go with the flow

I'll miss my sandy toes

I've got to go back before you know this island is my home

I need the beach I love the ocean

Put my feet in the sand

Watch the earth in motion

Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day

Take it to the shoreside and wash it away

Oh yeah

You gotta wash it away

Wash it away

I need the beach I love the ocean

Put my feet in the sand

Watch the earth in motion

Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day

Take it to the shoreside and wash it away

Oh yeah

You gotta

Wash it away

Why is a orphan gay? Because they can call somebody daddy.

Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.

Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"

Somebody told me to type "Up" by Cardi B. So here it goes:

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church. You follow him in and under their breath it sounds like somebody says you steal and you say in your mind knowing you have before I’m sorry then somebody caughs and under their breath it sounds like they say again you steal so you whisper quietly I’m sorry... ...then somebody in German says shoot that son of a bitch

You know somebody has a fat ass when someone is standing between you and them and all you can focus on is that trunk.

I'm so frickin' bored! Please, somebody want to chat? PLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE!

This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!

I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."

All-star gay mix

Somebody once told me The world is gonna rape me The dick's the hardest part of the body She looked like she's having fun With her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" in her bumhole.

Well, I started cumming And she started cumming Fed with dick, she's in love with bumming Didn't make sense not to live for bum Your dick gets hard, but your ass gets numb.

So much to fuck, so much to suck So what's wrong with eating the asshole? You'll never know if you don't try You'll never taste if you don't lick.

Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a schlong, ass frail And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg.

It's a gay place and they say it gets gayer You're licking bum now, wait 'til your a bit older But the bent boys beg to differ Judging by the hole in the homeless man's throat.

The sperm in the bath is getting pretty thin The sperms getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on cocaine, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I never get raped!

Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a willy, ass frale And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg.

Somebody’s son said mom my dick has white stuff coming out of it, she said oh good one son so when’s the baby coming

Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."

a girl looked in the fridge she got mad that somebody at the last ice cream cone she ran into her sisters room and said this is why your fat the fell down the stairs good thing she had that belly roll to save her.