Anybody

Anybody jokes

Family

    • A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:

    "My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."

    The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"

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    • Children

    • My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

    If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

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    • Anybody memes

    Refrigerator

    • There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died, he will let them in.

    The first one said, "I just finished a long day of work and I get home, and right as I stepped in, I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody, so I got a drink and went to the balcony, and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands, but he wouldn’t fall, so I threw a Refrigerator at him, and I fell with the Refrigerator."

    God busted out laughing and let him in.

    The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, "So get this, I’m a window washer on the 8th floor. I’m washing the windows like normal, and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands, and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die."

    God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair, and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people, and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. "So get this, I’m in a refrigerator..."

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    • People

    • Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.

    Penis

    • Does anybody know the similarities between a Rubik's cube and a penis?

    I don't know the whole answer, but I do know that the more you play with it, the harder it gets.

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    • Asylum

    • Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.

    School

    • Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

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    • Orphanage

    • Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

    Or,

    "Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"

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    • Man

    • A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"

    The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."

    The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."

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    • Child

    • My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

    If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.