Anybody Jokes

A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What's got you down" The man says "I just found out my Niece is gay." The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky The Bartender asks "What's got you down now?" The man says "I just found out my son is gay." The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women?" The man says "My wife does."

Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) 1. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They're painful to look at.

5. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

6. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

7. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

8. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the twin towers.

Anybody know a girl named Candice? she just added me on snap

The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”

Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”

Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.

“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”

Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? yeah, he was tired.

rape isn't a joke. it's a type of way of making friends, and to mate with other women. it's a way of art, and works on anybody! like this if you agree.

Why cant orphans be gay? Because they wont find anybody to call daddy.

Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? Its kinda trippy if I'm being honest.

Anybody here from 4chan

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Hello, anybody, I've just shot somebody, I did it on purpose

Why can’t orphans be gay

Because they don’t have anybody to call daddy

Next time you get a call from anybody say hi welcome to daves orphanage you make them we take them how may i help you

or

hi welcome to pizza and abortion clinic your loss is our sauce

Imagine there’s a funny joke here..imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum cause you’re schizophrenic.(This is my joke, I came up with it myself, anybody else who has said it said it after me, it’s important to me lol because I came up with it)