Software jokes

Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.

He's not really dead, his update failed.

I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.

How did the computer get out of the house?

He used windows.

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. “Dos, 1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 8.1, 10.”

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.