Software jokes

I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!

It's called "The Bad Batch File!"

What do you call a Vietnamese antivirus scanner?

An-Thi-cho-rho-na.

It's not pedophilia, it's early access.

He installed a hacked client on his MC server called cancer.exe.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."

What is the difference between an American and a computer?

An American doesn’t have trouble shooting.

If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.

Where did the software developer go?

I don’t know, he ransomware!

How did the computer get out of the house?

He used windows.

I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.

He's not really dead, his update failed.

The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.

It sucks that Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.