Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?
Why doesn't the orphan date the girl?
Because she is a home-y.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
What do a blonde and a doorknob have in common?
Everyone gets a turn ;)
What do the initials NOW stand for?
(A.) National Organization For Women
(B.) National Organization of Whores
(C.) All the above
Answer:
Since the initials NOW can stand for anything, the correct answer is all the above.
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.
One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"
"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.
"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.
"Are you mad?" The police asked.
"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.
"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.
"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism?
It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.
What do you call sex in the World Trade Center?
An inside job.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
Rape jokes aren’t funny!!! And definitely not something to joke about, what’s wrong with ppl, like seriously what a world we live in. This is sick!
Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!
What do you call chill legumes?
Hippeas.
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?
They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.
Uh!!!
Why can’t you yell at a kid?
Because the cops are after you.
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
I’m old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.
Why did the kid go in the guy's van?
Answer: He thought he was being adopted.
