Never tell an orphan about a family matter; they wouldn't understand.
People: Stop joking about such serious issues!
Me: Kill yourself.
I went to the shooting range the other day. After a while, I realized I was the only one there. So, I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene. Man, I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.
A starving homeless kid asks me for food.
I said, "sorry, my plate is full."
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.
Why did the feminist kill herself?
Because she was TRIGGERED.
What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?
Trying to fit in.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
A priest, a rapist, a pedophile, and a homosexual walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
