Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
Sleep Jokes
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.
A young couple gets banned from church.
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.
After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?
Cot death.
Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?
Sleeping Beauty.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
Yo mama so fat that she needs 12 queen size mattresses to go to sleep.
There was someone who slept late... he missed the dream!
In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.
Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?
They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
Why did the computer go to bed?
It needed to crash.
Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
