Size jokes

Your mum is so fat that when she walked past the television, I missed a whole series of SpongeBob.

Your hairline is so big, it's bigger than the universe!

Yo hairline is so long it makes the Titanic look tiny.

Your forehead's so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?

Yo mama so fat, when she had an interview for NASA, they said, "We don't hire planets."

"Yo mama so fat, she thought Saturn was deez nuts."

You're so fat that when you got to McDonald's, they had to call Wendy's for backup.

Your forehead is so big you can land a jumbo jet on it.

Yo forehead so big it makes Megamind's forehead small.

Being an orphan isn't all bad. On the bright side, all your snacks are family-sized.

Your forehead is so big, I bet your dreams are in IMAX.

Your forehead is so big that your name is Humpty Dumpty, the big forehead!

A big guy told the small guy, "Do you want a little pill because you look ill, or should I smash you?"

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

Your mama's so fat, when she grew an inch, she pushed the Earth down.

Yo momma's so fat, when she gets in a monster truck, it turns into a lowrider.

1, 2, 3, A, B, C, D, and there's a D in it and there's also a 3. That's how long your D is!

Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"