Sitting jokes
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.
Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
What sits on the seabed and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
What is a disabled person's favorite type of comedy? Sit-down comedy!
POV: You're sitting here waiting for a good joke. I wait, unfulfilled.
Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?
They wanted some family time.
So one time I was with my girlfriend, crazy, right? But we were doing a TikTok eye follow challenge, and she pulled up a pic of Gwen Stacy from Into the Spider-Verse, and I looked somewhere I shouldn’t have, and she smacked me, and I changed to the Rock, and you know where she looked? WTF, right in the no-no square, and since she was a girl, all I could do was sit back and watch.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?
Sex worker.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits, she makes a 7.4 earthquake.
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."