Sign Jokes

Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos? -- Because the sign says No Tres passing.

My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died. -- She was eaten by a giant crab.

the deaf man said to the waiter. mmmm the waiter said no english than the deaf man signed' f u'

Chuck Norris has been to Mars...that's why there is no signs of life there.

I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home there were signs everywhere

Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your hair color is fabulous. Woman: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.

Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Go back to sleep.

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Woman: I hate you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said "nah mate you've got cancer"

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

I walked in to the doctors surgery and and he said to me "pick a star sign any star sign" "I said Capricorn" He said "Nahh you got cancer"

So the other day I was looking up zodiac sign stuff you know im a real big fan of that and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have there own hairstyles... except cancer.

The other day a squirrel asked me for a job, I asked him what jobs did you have previously. Calmly he answered," I am a pilot, I can pick it up from here and pile it over there, I also can fly a sign!!!" " To bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated, we don't need anyone at this time, sorry." " No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway, guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!!!"

Why did Hellen Keller sign the n-word?

She thought she was black

why can't an orphan sign up for adoption websites?

Parental Login:__________

4 cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the 4 Cs Quartet since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine. They discovered how they could win. After a discussion they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.