Sight jokes
I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.
Not a soul in sight.
WOW! I CAN SEE THE TWIN TOWERS FROM HERE.
There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.
Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.
After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.
Why can't we see or sense kamikazes' bombs?
They're out of plane sight.
Why is the orange so blind? Because it needs to take Vitamin C!
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become. On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.
Why can't a blind person eat fish?
They can't see food.
Why couldn’t the orphan find home?
Didn’t have eyes.
Can you see me?
In fields of gold, where sunshine beams, Monkeys swing and play, it's their dreams. Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, Picking cotton with delight.
Their little hands so quick and neat, Plucking the cotton, can't be beat. They chatter and laugh, they dance and play, In the fields all day, they'll stay.
Their tails so long, their ears so big, They're quite the sight, it's quite a gig. They're busy as can be, you see, In the fields of cotton, they're free.
So let us marvel at these little thieves, In the fields of gold, they give and receive. Their antics bring us joy and delight, In the fields of cotton, they're always right.
You: You are such a flick pain.
Me: You are flick pain to my sight.
What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
How do mountains see? They peek.