What did they find on Chris Rock's face? Fresh prints.
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.
Howard Stern rules, b*tches!
Your mom should show you your real home. THE TRASH! If death was an option for a look you could be the first.
Theres a old lady doing gardning every year nothing grows she goes the the man who lives next door she sez how do you get your tomartoes so big an red he tells her you show them your privates at night time so she leaves that night latter she goes out side an shows the garden her privates the next shes got Zucchinis a meter long !
What's a tree's least favorite TV show? Chopped!
What atom presents TV shows?
David Atombrough.
Hi, my name is unknown guy! Please comment on the pictures I show you and join my group!
Today my idiot brother screamed, "Ahhhhh, I'm dead!" But it wasn't really, so I decided to make it a reality until my sister came...
AND HELPED ME! - for once, but then two minutes later my mom showed up. We killed him right in front of her, and she screamed! "Donuts and pizza for you and more if you go to Mrs. Roberts' house and say hi and bye to Daddy!!!!!" And she hands us both a sharp tool, and I say, "What about Tommy??!!! Aren't you MAD!!!!!!!" Then she replied, "Who's THAT!!??? Coz he ain't mine. His name is Tommy, Tommy Roberts."
So then me and my sister visit Mrs. Roberts, and she said, "Oh, this isn't anything important. Go home!" So then my sister and I say hi! and do a countdown. After that my Nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR, MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL! 😊😊😊 But then the police question us where daddy was, so then Mom said....................... oh he's moved on! So then the police officer was like, "Ahem, ma'm where!" SO THEN I BELLOWED.......................... UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she'll obviously say YES or ill........................................
ok like for part two☺☺☺
Little Johnny was walking down a dirt country road, and he came upon an old farmer leaning against a fence looking sad, shaking his head. He walked up to the old farmer and asked him what's wrong. The old farmer said, "My mule, he just won't do nothing. He don't work anymore, always looking sad, barely eats, just sad." Little Johnny said, "Can I go talk to him?" "Sure," the old farmer said, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went back in the barn, saw the mule just sad, and sighing. A few minutes later, Little Johnny came out and said, "Your mule is fixed." The old farmer ran in, and saw the mule laughing, just rolling, and crying laughing. "Thank you, thank you," the old farmer said, and Little Johnny was on his way. Well, a few days later, Little Johnny was walking down the same old dirt road, and came upon the old farmer again, looking sad. "What's the matter?" Little Johnny asked. "It's my mule again. Ever since you talked to him, he won't do nothing, he won't work, just laughing all day. What did you say?" "Can I go in and talk to him again?" Little Johnny asked. "Sure," said the old farmer, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went in the barn and a few minutes later came back out. "Your mule is fixed, sir." The old farmer went in and saw the mule crying, crying really hard. The old farmer came running out of the barn, "Hey boy! What did you say to my mule? One day he's sad, then laughing, now he's crying. Just what did you say to my mule?" Little Johnny smiled and answered, "Well, the first time I told him my dick was bigger than his; this time I showed it to him."
What show can the orphan relate to...Full house
Did you know some people don't put on masks because they wanna act like something? Some put masks on to show their depression and feeling.
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?
He's got some "sweet" moves!
What do you call a circus show? A school shooter.
Jesus has had all the time in the world and all the power in the world to do whatever he wanted.
Guess what he has to show for nothing, but putting us in hell!
Being an absolute waste breathe of life, and of power!
Yahahlmsyw.
That stand for:
You are has a whole, let me show you why.
Walter White.
Yo mama's so ugly, and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings.
hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi
When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"
And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"
And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"
And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."
Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."
And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"
And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"
And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"
And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
