Show jokes

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

Now, how about that drink?

Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Show yourself.

What is an orphan's least favorite show? “How I Met Your Mother.”

A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.

The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.

Tonight, on Top Gear!

James May dives a bus full of kids off a mountain!

Richard Hammond starts WW3 in Germany!

And I fly a plane into the World Trade Center!

Hi, my name is Unknown Guy! Please join my group for the picture I show you, we will do this every week!

Thanks, leave a comment or sign in using the sign in sheet that I have in Google Forms or own the website.

Hint: Pictures of woman.

Btw, for men only!

What does Joyce from the show "Stranger Things" say when she has a flat tire? "Wheil, wheil, wheres wheil?"

Me: *listening to music under a tree and smiling*

Random person who sees me: Awwww look at him, he looks so so happy ^w^

Me: *actually listening to depressing music that makes me wanna kill and end myself but just smiles to show that everything's gonna be fine even if it won't*

I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!

What are orphans' least favorite movie?

The Promised Neverland.

Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?

A feminist.

"Bill? Bill?" Bill hears faintly in the distance.

Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.

What did the boy say to the noose?

"Can you please tie me."

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

What atom presents TV shows?

David Atombrough.

What's an orphan's least favorite T.V. show?

Family Guy.

Ferb is older than Phineas because his last line.

Ferb: "I’m boutta blow this sh*t!"