Short jokes
Americans: Miles per hour.
Europeans: Bullets per kid...
What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?
They're always cutting.
The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...
And then it hit me.
Bro has to get a fringe to cover up the big, increasing hairline.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my trail mix.
Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops!
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
Idaho... Alaska!
What do you call Helen Keller after she killed 10 people?
Helen Killer.
What do the Twin Towers and Angry Birds' pigs have in common?
They always getting hit.
What did Joe Biden say to the dog? I'm gonna molest you.