Short jokes
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
"What a re-leaf."
When does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
What did the boy say to his fingers? I'm counting on you.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a Black person? One gets paid, the other got enslaved.
What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?
Your virginity.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
What do Americans and stars have in common?
They both love shooting up.
What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?
They both like keeping one sock for themselves.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
When people ask my age, this is what I do.
“🥱 I DON’T CARE.... ÆAHAHAHAHAHAÆAAÆ!”