Short jokes
What is a dog that you can drive?
A big doggy car.
What do you call a cat 🐈 that is glued down? A big cluck.
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"
Why didn't the boy want to read "2000 Leagues Under the Sea"?
It was too much pressure.
"Paper is 2D!" said Pen.
"No, it's 3D!" said Pencil.
After Pencil proved it to Pen, Pen said, "Oh, I suppose you're write."
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
Q: If an electric train heads south, which way does the steam go?
A: No steam.
What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
What did one nut say to the other nut? "Help!"
The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.
I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
We saved a transvestite in a tight mini skirt from a tree.
I thought I showed a lot of balls.
We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.