Short jokes

It's the Olympics.

Q) Why did the man decide not to run in his race? A) Because of Olympiad.

Prom (DYM 85).

Your forehead is so big you could roast meat on it.

Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.

My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.

A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.

"What's she like?" he asked the boy.

"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.

So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.

Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

I'M SHORTTT!

Why can't orphans say "mommy: me?" Because the fosters said no.

What does a pickle look like a p*nis?

What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.

What is Stephen Hawking's least favorite movie?

Standing Tall.

What do you call the Gray Man in an electric chair? Fried Fish.

Why do Vampires like virgins?

Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.