Short jokes
What do you call an orphan selfie?
A family photo.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "Daddy~"
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.
What do emos and a bird nest have in common?
They both hang from a tree.
If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.
She is not “fun to be around.”
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
Why are astronauts forgetful?
They're always spacing out.
What do Myspace and my dad have in common?
I haven't seen them in a while.
Alabama gene pools are so shallow, when they freeze over, it's just snow.
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.