Short jokes
If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?
Why do Jews suck at mugging?
Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
Yo mama's so—oh wait, you don't have one.
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?
A dictator.
What's a cancer patient's favorite food?
Kentucky Fried Chemotherapy
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.
I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...
I have no beef with them.
What did the man do when he caught his wife cheating on him?
He honor-killed her.
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
How are Jews and potatoes different?
A potato keeps its skin.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
Q. Who do you call when a baby with anencephaly is born? A. The funeral home.
Q. What do you call a baby with anencephaly? A. Anything you want, it's not like it's gonna answer you.
What do you call a Vietnamese antivirus scanner?
An-Thi-cho-rho-na.
Putin is the only person whose country is bigger than his mind.
On April Fools' Day, there is no fool except for me.