Short jokes
Your momma is so fat, she eats insulation and thinks it's cotton candy.
Why are there so few Arab soldiers? Because they always commit suicide on their first day.
Why are hurricanes like women? Because they come into your life, take nearly everything, and leave.
What would Patrick be if he was a dumbass and an autistic person?
A dumbism star.
What do you call an autistic person who is a dumbass? A dumbism.
How was Jenga invented?
By watching the Twin Towers collapse.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Your.
Your who?
Your hoochie coochie stinks.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Only.
Only who?
Only you make my heart beat fast.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
Yo momma so ugly, she got a job ringing the bells at Notre Dame.
What is the best way to run away from home?
Join the military.
Halal!
Is it meat you're looking for?
What do you call a lesbian vampire?
Cunt Dracula.
Son: "Mom, am I adopted?"
Mom: "Yes."
Son: "Where are my real parents?"
Dad: "We are your real parents, so... GET OUT!"
Why was nine scared of ten?
Because five was a registered twelve offender.
Wait, can I try the joke again?
What do you call a sick Asian?
A calculator with dead batteries.
I saw a Down syndrome kid waving at me today, but there's no way I'm swimming all the way over there to save him.
"Eugheugh," said the boy.
So what does stress and energy mean?
Beer.
"My love, I missed you."
"Aww, I missed you too."
"I did not miss *that* time!"