Shes jokes

Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.

Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a strip club and got paid to keep her clothes on.

My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."

She died in a fire.

What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

Yo mama so fat, she is 4 feet tall laying down.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?

She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.

Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said: "To be continued."

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

Your mama is so short, she does backflips under her bed.

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨

A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."

To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."

Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."

A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.

The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."

The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."

The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."