Why did you and Sarah break up?
'Cause she cheetahed on me.
She Jokes
Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.
Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.
Yo mum's so dumb, she went to the library to find Facebook.
Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
Hey, if you've watched Twilight with Edward, Bella, and Jacob, then here's something for you.
Do you think Bella should have gotten with Jacob? I think she should have, ngl.
Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."
Your mom is so fat that she doesn't need WiFi because she is worldwide.
Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
I asked the little German girl to rate our sex between 1-10. She kept crying and shouting "9!"
That's the best I've done so far.
Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.
Yo mama so fat, when she jumps, NASA says a meteor hits Earth.
McNeill's mom wrote a shopping list for supper:
cabbage _50
Carrots-50
Cooking fat -100
Onions_20
Tomato-20
salt-10
Total=250
She gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients.
McNeill took long to return home from the shopping.
His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long. McNeill answered, "I have all the ingredients, but I'm looking for total."
She asked:
"How can you explain a yellow color to a blind man?"
My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"
Once the old lady told me she had wisdom, but after she voted! 🤯
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
So you mom call she side when Covin come home?