My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.
Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.
Husband: The second we entered the beach,
Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"
I saw a girl crying I asked her where her parents were and she started to cry even more man, I love working in the orphanage.
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought Instagram was a weed delivery service.
Yo mama so ugly when she went to the ugly club but they said sorry professionals only
Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
Why do people hate Velma now?
Because she joined the Dark Side.
Bro, Asian girls have the weirdest names. I was, like, with one, and she kept on saying, "I'm too young."
Yo mama so fat, she was mistaken for Eric Cartman from South Park.
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.
Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks fruit punch is a gay boxer!
My mom said if I'm awake playing Roblox still, she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboard. hxhdhduhxbsfj.
yo mama so stupid she shoved a battery up her but and said ̈I GOT THE POWER ̈
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
I went on a walk last night with a really hot girl. Then she noticed me, and we went for a run.
Your mama is so fat that when she went to run in a yellow jumpsuit the kids thought they missed the school
