Your mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said "to be continued"
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.
*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.
*Me sits down in the chair*
*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.
*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.
*walks out without paying*
*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.
*customer:* I told u she would.
My friend jokingly confessed to me she did prostitution (consensual).
She wasn't joking. :0
We are 15....
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?
I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.
When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".
I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!
I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.
(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)
(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)
(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!
yo momma so fat when she farted the Big Bang occurred
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
Yo mama is so fat, she jumped on a trampoline and she broke it.
Yo mama so fat, she eat 60 Big Macs while singing "Badaaha."
My sister told me a joke.
All she said was "my life."
Your mama is so old, she made a book bigger than the Bible about her life.
Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!
Your mum is so fat, when she was in front of my apartment, I couldn't get in.
Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.
Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.
Yo mama so fat, she doesn't count as 1 person bro, she counts as 40 people.
Yo mama so old, she pre-ordered the Bible.
