Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.
She Jokes
Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.
A teacher wanted to sing, so she did. This is what she said:
"You have no family, even though you're broker than me."
Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a bottle of orange juice for 12 hours because it said "concentrate."
A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.
The poor guy asks the rich guy, "What'd you get for your wife today?"
The rich guy replies, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."
The poor guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can return it in her Mercedes."
The rich guy asks the poor guy, "What'd you get for your wife?"
The poor guy says, "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
The rich guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The poor guy says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go f*** herself."
Yo mama so fat, when she went on the weighing scale, it said, "To be continued."
Yo mama so fat, when she went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."
Yo mama so ugly, she got a lifetime ban from KFC for ordering too many burgers.
I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.
"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.
"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"
"You getting kicked out, bro?"
"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."
"Is she one of them woke bitches?"
I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.
Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.
Husband: The second we entered the beach,
Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"
I saw a girl crying. I asked her where her parents were, and she started to cry even more.
Man, I love working in the orphanage.
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought Instagram was a weed delivery service.