She jokes
A man needs to leave for a lengthy business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine.
He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts, “Voodoo Dick, the door!”
The wooden penis flies across the room and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cashier’s desk and, once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box, and the cashier closes the lid.
The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand,” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!”
The man nods and heads home.
Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip.
A few days later, the wife becomes very horny and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout, “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can but just can’t get it out. The wife panics and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims, “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!”
The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief.
“Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”
Two old Indian ladies out picking potatoes, one lady stops, staring at this huge potato, turning it round and round.
The other old lady says to her, "What are you doing?" She says, "These potatoes remind me of my husband's nuts."
She says, "Oh my, are they really that big?" She said, "No, they're that dirty. lololol"
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.
Yo mama so stupid... She tried to climb...
Mountain Dew!
Yo mama so fat, when she joined Team 10...
It became TEAM, 10, TONS!
Yo mama so fat, when she plays Undertale, Omega Flowey's mouth isn't big enough to eat her!
Yo mama so stupid, when I told her she needed some cats, she came back with...
CRASH, ARENA, TURBO STARS!
Yo mama so fat, she doesn't need internet, because she's already WORLDWIDE!
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on the iPod...
SHE MADE THE IPAD!!!!!!!
Yo mama is so stupid, she had to retake preschool 20 times!
Yo mama is so smelly that whenever she steps outside, she pollutes the air!
Yo momma is so ugly, when she tried to join the ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex, sex, sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
When people mean "phat feast," they don't mean fat.
When yo mumma says "phat," she means FAT but thinks she's cool!
When Sara gets naked in the shower, she turns her taps on :)
Why did Sally fail her final exam?
Because she had nothing written down.