Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."
Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Fruit Ninja was a gay weeaboo!
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
I once had a trash can as a girlfriend.
I was ready to break up with her, but all she had to say was, "Please don't dump me!" Then I said, "Sorry, I'm ready to take out the trash."
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Your mom is so fat, she fell down the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Yo mama is so poor, she asked a homeless guy for money.
Yo momma so dumb, she washes her dishes in the river.
Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.
Yo momma so fat, she glues together rags as clothes.
