Your mom is so fat that she broke your crush!
She Jokes
Why did the orphan call her boyfriend "daddy"?
Because she wanted that D.
My daughter is super smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor.
My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"
My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.
I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.
My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
I told my wife she was lousy in bed.
She replied, "I guess you have been seeing your ex-girlfriend, uh?"
Friend, your mum's fat.
Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.
Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.
After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”
The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”
Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”
Why did ItsFunneh go on the road? She so Draco looking at a car then the car runs over him, sad Draco.
Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.
My woman told me that she wants to have sex with me, and I said, "Let's go at it." She said, "Shut up and kiss me on all my pillows."
Yo mama’s so fat, she wore the equator as a belt! Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Yo mama so poor, she chased a garbage truck with a shopping list.
Trump goes to a bar and sees Hillary Clinton. He goes up to her and says, "Buy me a drink." She replies angrily, "Get your own drinks. What kind of a man asks a woman to buy him a drink?" Trump responds, "The kind that will grab you by the p***y."