Sh jokes
I was on a website doing homework, and there was this funny a** commercial banner saying: "Eat a bag of Dick's!" It was the funniest sh*t ever!
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
A butt saw the toilet and said, "Shit, I'm sick!"
If you want to SH but not in the sell farm way, come ooon.. do you even know what does that means?..
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"
Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.
Yo mama so ugly, she went to the bathroom and scared the sh*t out of the toilet.
Old Mother Riley, had a fat cow.
She milked it and milked it but didn't know how, she pulled his tail, pulled his tits. Old Mother Riley was covered in sh!t.
It's not that I don't get the laugh, but most of you need to read through what's already been posted, 'cause everybody's saying the same sh*t.
Yo mama so stupid, she brought weed to the highway. Then she realized, "I'm not stupid, I was just high as a bitch." She just got fucked so hard by her man, she thought she was high.
NASA equals nugget and sh*t, amateur.
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
Yo mama is so ugly, she scared the sh*t out of the toilet.
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
Do I sit broken-hearted?
I came to sh*t and only farted.