Self jokes

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

Why do most orphans cook for themselves?

They don't have a home cook.

What's an orphan's favorite flower?

A self-raising flower.

I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.

Why'd the emo have no friends?

"Because they like to hang by themself."

I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.

Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.

Emo girls are bad, but what's worse? Cutting yourself.

Like this,

it will give you good luck. See for yourself!

I asked God why nobody likes me. He showed a reflection of myself.

I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.

It showed a picture of myself.

My handicapped friend was getting bullied. I said, "Just stand up for yourself!"

Yo mama is so ugly, her self-portraits hanged themselves.

I downloaded Fruit Ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself.

To anyone suffering from low self esteem:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/UTymDoPOEnY

What type of flower do you give an orphan?

A self-raising [flour].

I searched up self harm jokes, clean, but I couldn't find any :[