Self perception jokes

I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!

I am cool.

Hahahahahahaha!

I'm a turd.

Friend: Your life is a joke.

Me: No, jokes have meaning.

I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

What does Justin Bieber and a rabbit have in common?

They're both adorably cute and everyone loves them except for Justin Bieber.

I'm weird.

I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"

I am a joke.

You want to know what the ugly truth looks like? Go look in the mirror.

If you guys wanted to see a joke, just look in the mirror.

Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.

When you look at the sun, it's like looking at me.

After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.

My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...

"Lazy."