Self perception jokes

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

I wish I could be as visible as my depression is.

I would roast you, but your mirror does it every time you look into it.

My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...

"Lazy."

After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.

I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?

A: Look in a mirror.

When you look at the sun, it's like looking at me.

Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.

Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

What is the difference between me and a fire?

It's hot.

I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!

I am a fat girl.

I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.

I knew a guy who would always claim he had a buddy with an IQ of 1.

It turns out he was just looking in the mirror.

I am a joke.

Want to see a funny joke? Look in the mirror.

They say people are 75% water.

But I’m 75% an orphan and 25% useless.

My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"