If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.
I wish I could be as visible as my depression is.
I would roast you, but your mirror does it every time you look into it.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
When you look at the sun, it's like looking at me.
Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
What is the difference between me and a fire?
It's hot.
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.
I am a fat girl.
I am a joke.
Want to see a funny joke? Look in the mirror.
They say people are 75% water.
But I’m 75% an orphan and 25% useless.
My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"
You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.
Me. I am the worst joke ever.
