Self Harm jokes
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."
What did the emo kid say to the cashier? ... "Scan my wrists."
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.
People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.
Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
What do you call a flat emo kid?
A cutting board.
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".
Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.
My 14 year old daughter went shopping at a grocery story.
She gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist.
The cashier scanned it and replied with, "Ma'am this item is worthless."
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."
So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.
Friend: “What's that on your arm?”
Me: “Oh, nothing. Just decided I wanted to cosplay a tiger.”
The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."
People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.
Your momma! OHHHHH!
Me: I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g.”
Emo kid: He said like your bullet holes, G.
Me: I have no bullet holes.
Emo kid: Not yet, you don't.
Me: Ayo what the fuc*.
When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.
Sorry for all the jokes, I'll end it.