Seen jokes
Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.
Hey! My balls are on your thing!
Ever seen twins?
If you said yes, was it before or after 2001?
A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"
Women be like, "Porn is how we get money," then get angry when boys treat women like shit because they seen it on porn.
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
swim like a boss
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
Neither has he.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
MISSING MISSING!!! 😢😢
NAME: PRUNO PENANDES 👍🤝
MISSING: 27/6/21 VS BELGIUM 🤔🤔
LAST SEEN: DIVING AT OLD TRAFFORD, CRYING TO REFEREES🤬😿
POSSIBLE LOCATIONS: PENALTY SPOT🥅
"GIVE ME PENALTY”🤬🤬
"I ONLY STATPAD AGAINST FARMERS MY FRIEND"😁😁
A bird was on a branch at school today. I turn away to talk to my friends, and another bird was there when I turned around. I turn around again, and the birds are having fucking sex!!!
What the fuck.
Now I've seen everything.
I'm just gonna say it, and don't get offended, but I'm so sick of the media being on the female side. It never shows what life is like for a male.
Yes, women do have it hard in life because they have to give birth, etc.
But men have it pretty hard too, if not harder. Males are criticized for showing emotions.
Men have to go to war on the front lines.
Boys have less support from their friends because showing any emotion is a sign of weakness.
Boys have to wear trousers in schools where they practically burn to death in summer, meanwhile girls get to wear dresses and skirts. And now we hear girls complaining about them not being allowed to wear trousers. Yet we haven't ever heard anything about boys protesting about wearing shorts to school. It's because no one will take a man's protest seriously because the media is always against the men.
Man-rape is unheard of in the media, and I've never seen anything in any form of news accusing a woman as a rapist.
We are expected to gather up our guts [and] ask a girl to be their girlfriend. We have to take them on dates, pay the bill, [and] buy them gifts when the girls never do anything like that for us males. We have to get a job while they put on makeup and go out with their friends and spend 3 months' worth of the money the man has made.
And the women say we only rape women and that we restrict women from doing certain things like fighting in world wars.
It's because most males do not want females to get hurt, yet we are criticized for this.
I propose an idea that on the 19th of September every year (until we get the point across) all males do not go to work, etc.
Who's going to put out all the fires? The two "firewomen" at the local fire station? Who is going to work in the major corporations? The secretary's and the receptionist?
Women are always saying that the world will be a better place if they're are no men around. Let's show them how wrong they are.
(This event can be done worldwide.)
Share this with as many people who still believe in the rights of the males.
(I'm not against feminism; it's just that everything in the media is about some stupid problem women are complaining about + hatred for males everywhere.
But I think that nowadays women have more rights than men because they can wear what they want, do what they want, and never get criticized or face any consequences.)
Me: Hey, have you seen my butt?
Him: No, have you seen where it is?
Me: Maybe here on your private part hehe.
Him: *dumps my head on the toilet* HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ASS NOW, PERVERT?
When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.
By the way, have you seen my sister?
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
The streets go blank in the dead of the day, not a car to be seen.
A kingdom of corona-cation, and it looks like mom's the queen.
The wind is howling with this virus in the air.
Couldn't keep it in China, everyone knows it's everywhere.
Don't let friends in, don't be afraid.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal, don't feel your insanity, that the virus caused!
Don't let it go! Don't let it go! You have to hold it back a little more! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Turn away and slam your doors!
I don't care what the government says! Let me go to my friend's house.
Sickness doesn't get to me anyway.
It's funny how some distance makes everyone insane, and the fears that once controlled me are here and present, oh well!
It's time to see what I can do to test the limits and break through!
No right, no wrong, but stay inside!
WE'RE NOT FREE!!
Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Be one with the peace inside!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Watch sad movies and cry!! Here I stand!! And here I'll stay!! 'Cause I have nothing better to do.
The virus flurries through the air into my house!
The storm is spiraling, fear and fractals all around!!
And one thought makes you wanna scream and shout out loud!!
What if we never go back? What if the past is in the past????
DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! And you'll rise at the break of noon! DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! That's morning girl is gone!! HERE I STAND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN I WOKE UP!! Let the virus rage on!!!!!! The sickness never gets to me anyway. DING.
A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.
The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:
"Num num num num num!"
Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
There was a man who had just moved from a foreign country. He just moved into his apartment and was watching his favorite TV shows. The first one was "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me," the second one was "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives," and the last one was "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!"
There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him, "Sir, have you seen this man?" and held up a photo. The man said "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me." The cop said, "Sir, what did you use?" and the man said "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives." After that, the cop said, "Sir, I'm going to have to arrest you," and the man said "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" The screen goes black, and all you can here "chk-chk. BANG"
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.