See Jokes

I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.

Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

It's that time is year again!

An inflatable Santa Claus figure stands in a yard in front of a house decorated with Christmas lights. The text on the image reads, "HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING."

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

I see them hang all day.

Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.

Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.

Lil Jimmy: Why?

Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.

Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕

What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park in it, man!

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!

Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.

Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."

I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

This is to the girl/boy named Gwen: Are you okay? I see there is a bunch of haters but DON'T, I repeat, DON'T let the haters get to you. I hope you see this and respond and that you are okay. Please Gwen, be honest.