See jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?

A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).

I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.

I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.

How are mountains able to see?

They peak!

Your forehead is too big. I can see my future when it shines.

Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:

1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."

A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.

The boy asks, "What gave me away?"

The man responds, "Your parents."

"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."

"What's been going on, John?" I asked.

"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.

The dirty bastard!

What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.

Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.

Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.

Lil Jimmy: Why?

Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.

Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕

I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

I see them hang all day.

What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park in it, man!