See jokes

Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:

1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."

A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.

The boy asks, "What gave me away?"

The man responds, "Your parents."

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.

I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.

Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.

Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.

Lil Jimmy: Why?

Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.

Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕

Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

I see them hang all day.

What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park in it, man!

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!