Jack and Jill went up the hill so they can fetch some pee. Jack fell down and broke his whole body. Jill just laughed and didn’t care, so now they have a daughter.
People go to places to see Harry Potter live, but you can just go to the abortion place and see something disappear.
Why didn't the opening photo actually have a pic of sex on it? I have always wanted to see porn, too bad I have parents and a school Chromebook.
What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
Your hairline is so far away that Jesus could've seen it when he was on the cross.
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
I see a worm. Oh, no, it's just your hairline!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Di.
Di who?
See, easily forgotten.
The last words from a depressive person are: "I finally see a train!"
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
Turn the number 543354 upside down to see "sheesh."
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.
Why is the blind kid popular?
He can't see the middle fingers.
What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?
Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.
Why is the blind man so close to the door?
He can't see it.
Why did the blind man cross the road?
Don't ask me, he can't even see where he's going.
