Science jokes
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
Why do planets circle the sun?
'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
What do you call a man with 6.022 x 10^23 dollars?
A Moleionaire.
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?
A: HeHe.
What do whales use to rub out a mistake in their homework? Their blubber.
What is a nut that is in outer space?
A broken nut.
What do / and \ have in common?
They have different results.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
It's so sad that Stephen Hawking can't stand up for himself.
What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.
Stephen Hawking only died because he tried to install Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
What is black and at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking's after a fire.
What do atoms and parents have in common to orphans? You can't see either of them.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song??
Rollin' and Controllin'.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.