Scale

Scale Jokes

Mayo

If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

Elephant

Q: My scale had my phone number on it. Wandering why, I looked up only to see an elephant in my face...

Home

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

Dwarf

I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."

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  • Yo mama

    Yo mama so fat, she stand on the scale and the scale says: "I want your weight, not your phone number!"

    Fish

    Why are fish easy to measure?

    Because they bring their own scales.

    Suicide

    Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.

    Wife

    My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

    So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

    Weight

    My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.

    Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?

    Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.

    Paedophile

    What is a paedophile’s favourite symphony?

    Amadeus Mozart’s special flute in A minor.