Say jokes
You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.
What did the shirt say to the pants?
Belt.
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower in summer?
"Are you ready for fall?"
Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
Say "invented" without the first "n".
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
What did the people in 9/11 say when they got the wrong pizza? Man, they got it wrong, I wanted this shitty plane!
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.
First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."
Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"
The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."
You know what they say about 9/11 jokes?
The second one never lands as good as the first one.
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"