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Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
What did God say to the black person?
"Oops, I burned one."😳
Not racist, just funny.
Tell rumors about me, but please don't say I'm in a love relationship.
The man says, "Can you hump me?" So the other boy says, "Bro bro bro bro bro."
I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."
Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
What did the fat guy say to the tree?
"Get me some coconuts!"
What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"
What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?
"They forgot the stuffing!"
Stan says shut the f**k up or sit your ass down on that b***h chair!
Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?
What does the cent say when it says hello? It waves.
Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"
Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."
Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."
Guy: "About that..."
Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!
The cheetah and lion are racing. The cheetah wins.
The lion says, "Man, you a cheetah."
The cheetah says, "Nah, you lion!"
People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.
Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.
I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!
How to know something won’t be fun:
Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"