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Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.

"Moo!" says the second.

What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"

If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?

  • 9

    • A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

    The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

    "Yeah, that's the one!"

  • 1

    • A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

  • 0

    • Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."

    I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.

    Which makes me an eighth-theist.

  • 4

    • Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?

    Because the sign says "No Tres passing."

  • 4

    • Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

  • 1

    • What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

  • 2

    • If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

    A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

    The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

  • 0