Say jokes
What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?
"Hi-five!"
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?
Nothing.
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
"Deja moo!"
What did the neutrino say to the planet?
"Just passing through."
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
Three Vulcans walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the first Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The first Vulcan says, "I don't know."
The bartender asks the second Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The second Vulcan says, "I don't know."
The bartender asks Spock, "Y'all want a drink?" Spock says, "Yes."
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."