Say

Say jokes

Things you say before sex, Disney addition:

"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The guy behind the bar says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets!"

The mirror says: "If you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck."

The Magic Jewel says: "If you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck."

The condom just sitting there laughing.

A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.

Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"

If someone calls you, just say:

"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"

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    • Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

    Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

    I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*

  • 1

    • A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.

    The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"

    He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.

    Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"

    A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.

    “Super Power Beer,” he says.

    “Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”

    Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.

    “Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.

    Splat.

    The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”

  • 2

    • A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."

    The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"

    What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?

    You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"

    What did one butt cheek say to the other?

    "Together we can stop this shit."

    tbh, I was not even talking to you guys. I was talking to the funny jokes about Ariana, and people were saying she was adopted, so, tbh, fuck off!