Say jokes

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?

"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"

A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"

What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."

So imagine bullying an orphan so bad they cry, and then you say, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"

What do you call an emo kid standing outside the mall?

Anything, he'll cry no matter what you say.

So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"

How it be when the new guy takes too long...

Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?

Because they are not going to work.

A woman walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"

What did the orphan say to the other? "Quick, Robin, to the Batmobile!"

What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?

"Need help packing your shit?"

What did the salt say to the vinegar during the sweet and sour dynasty?

"STUPID VINIGGER!"

My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

Yo mama so fat when she step on a scale it say, "To be continued..."

I'm about to say this but.....

*whentheimposterissus*

What did the pen say to the pencil?

The pen said, "You're pointy."

Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.

when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"