Why is Russia invading Ukraine? «Мы хотим вернуть Советский Союз!»
I went on a date with an Eastern European chick she got mad because I rushed her....
Get it's Russia and rushed her
Yo mama so fat the country of Russia isn't big enough to house her
Welcome to the gulag
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good but I loved the execution.
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a kgb badge and says “you two are coming with me for treason.” One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says “Not me.” The third man pulls out a badge and says “Wow? There’s a lot of agents here.”
Why does us suck at chess? we lost both our towers. Why is england so good at chess? they still have their queen. Why does russia suck at chess? they only have pawns
Gays: I like men Straights: I like women Russia:Hole is hole
if Germany is the father land and Russia is the mother land would WII just be domestic violence
(found on web) There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.
News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.
John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip”
The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip”.
Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”
With heavy breath, John told him “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”
“What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified”
“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls”
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia. The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.
After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.
The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:
"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."
His friends laugh on the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.
After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.
The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.
The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.
The receptionist responds:
"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."
Americans be like: Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road.
England be like: Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road.
Russians after a car accident be like: Here in Russia, road is road.
What is the country that aways in a rush? Russia
A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.
After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."
In America, you catch picachu, in Soviet Russia, picachu catches you. https://static.wixstatic.com/media/7a7436_784a4f4d74314d0f8d74234b57dcd2ee~mv2.jpeg
Q .What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregn A. Has an a bosch tion
In America, you find Waldo In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds you
They call it the Cold War because Russia is cold in 2 ways.
america saying they are more stupid Russia saying they are more stupid = the stupidest war
What do you call a Russian pharmacist? 'Ivan Astichestykov,
