Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."
What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?
Diddler on the Roof.
What did Nicki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?
"Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you."
What's the difference between a bird and a kid on makes it off the roof.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof.
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
I'm having lunch on the roof of the Twin Towers, and the biggest plane I've ever seen is flying toward...
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.
I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
yo mama so fat when she sat on the roof of a walmart it lowered the prices
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
how do you make a emo jump (tell him to go the i roof)
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!
