Roast jokes
You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.
You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
You're so fat that when you stepped on a scale, it said, "To be continued..."
I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."
Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"
The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"
Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
Your mama so slow, she went by a TV and missed eight episodes.
My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.
My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.
What is the difference between you and me? I have parents and yours left...
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.
You look like a sandwich Bigfoot didn't even like.
Me: Do you know a funny joke?
Friend: Yes, you.
You're so goddamn stupid, you thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.
You are so fat you tried to eat the word "edible."
When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."
Life is too short, just like me. Get roasted, short people!