New Return Jokes - Page 3 - Worst Jokes Ever

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

Why do orphans hate dad jokes? They never return.

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R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II. 1926-2022.

what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

What's the difference between parents and a boomerang?

The boomerang comes back from the store with milk.

Why do orphans love boomerangs?

They come back.

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.

Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang because it actually came back.

My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.

My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!

As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”

DAMN YOU PESSI!

Why can't an orphan play football? Because they can't find home or return it.

I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

Donald Trump will return to Twitter.

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.