what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?
IHOP.
A termite walks into a bar and says, "So, is the bartender here?"
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.
Do you like Wendy's? When deez nutz are in your mouth.
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to go to KFC.
Welcome to Arby's, where your babies become our gravy!
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
