Religion jokes

ICH BIN GOTT.

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

Allahu Akbar---Jalal 2019 xD

Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.

When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

Jesus took bread and said, "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said, "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise, and Peter said, "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"

A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.

The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"

"'There is no God.' - Stephen Hawking (2011)

'There is no Stephen Hawking.' - God (2018)"

Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"

"My penis."

How does Moses make his cup of tea?

He brews it.

Allahu Akbar.

You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?

Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.

I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"

Why did the orphan go to church?

So he gets to call someone father.

So I went to the gym and I found a hymn.

Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.

3 men go to hell. Satan says if you can question me and I can't answer, you go to heaven.

The first man asks if Satan knew how to make computers. He goes to hell. The next man asks if he knew how to make furniture. He goes too. The third man pokes a ton of holes in a bottle cap and farts in the bottle, asks Satan where the fart came from. Satan said every possible answer and the man pointed to his butthole and said "nope this one"😂

The priest wanted the little boy to touch his cross. The boy said, "It's hard." Then it shot out holy water, and the priest said, "Come again and taste the second cumming of Jesus, lmao."