Religion jokes

A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.

"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"

"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

I will never forget my grandpa's last words:

Alahu-Akbar.

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"

"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!

ICH BIN GOTT.

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

Allahu Akbar---Jalal 2019 xD

Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.

When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

Jesus took bread and said, "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said, "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise, and Peter said, "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"

A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.

The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"

"'There is no God.' - Stephen Hawking (2011)

'There is no Stephen Hawking.' - God (2018)"

Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"

"My penis."

How does Moses make his cup of tea?

He brews it.

Allahu Akbar.

You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?

Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.

I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"