Relatives jokes
My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.
What movie do all orphans find relatable?
Spiderman: No Way Home.
"Are you related to Yoda?"
"Because yo-delicious!"
Do trees pee?
How else do we have No. 1 pencils?
My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"
Me "OH NO" 💀
My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.
When you meet your gf at the family reunion.
How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?
They both got bleached!
Why is Harry Potter an orphan's favorite character?
Because Harry Potter has no parents, so it’s relatable.
Your mama so fat she’s on both sides of the family.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Two gay lovers find out they are brothers.
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
Bin Laden's relatives were killed in a plane crash, lol.
Harry Potter has an invisibility cloak, I have family.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Why did the orphan go to the monkey exhibit?
To see his closest relatives.
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
Closer kin, deeper in!
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.