Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.
Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
I told my wife she was lousy in bed.
She replied, "I guess you have been seeing your ex-girlfriend, uh?"
Friend, your mum's fat.
Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?
Your nan's a GILF!
The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."
Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfi.
My woman told me that she wants to have sex with me, and I said, "Let's go at it." She said, "Shut up and kiss me on all my pillows."
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
GF: Laying down.
BF: GROANING
GF: Are you good at aiming and shooting?
BF: Yeah, why?
GF: Shoot that did in there.
BF: Mmmhuugh
My wife left me and took the kids.
A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.
The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"
Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.
One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.
Can you believe they're still together after everything they've been through?
Who you might ask...
YOUR ASS CHEEKS!
One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.
My father can take a joke because he made one.
