Recipe jokes

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

Where did the chef put the disease?

In Ebola.

How does a rapper make tea?

He drops some HOT BARS into a cup.

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?

Wife: In a detective novel.

I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."

I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!

My wife went to make a cake. The recipe said, "Separate two eggs," so she put one egg in the living room.

If Hitler had a cooking channel: Step one... Turn on the gas.

How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?

I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.

What is the best way to end a cookbook?

And that’s a wrap!

What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.

What the can say to the tomato?

Tomato tomato potato potato find twelve recipe for the both 👍🏾

I put on ingredient sticker read for tasting good.

Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail? A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

How many babies does it take to make dinner?

Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.

How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!

How to make emo cakes:

Milk Butter Eggs Sugar We're Going Down Swinging!

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme."